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Post by tog on Mar 20, 2012 19:43:22 GMT -5
Sunshine hit the closed eyelids of Bay Forrest and already she wanted to cry. Her husband died three years ago, yet his birthday still came around, taunting her of the things she was missing. His face flashed in her mind, and the tears began to fall. She rolled over in her bed and let the pillow beside her comfort her, muffling the soft sobs that shook her frame. Why is the world so cruel? She felt a hand fall on her back and she cried harder. "Bay," came the soft voice of Darcy, "please come to the kitchen and eat breakfast." Bay shook her head- she never ate on his birthday, and she didn't think she would start now. "It's too hard." She shook the hand off of her and pulled the blankets up tighter around her neck. She heard a sigh and listened to Darcy's soft feet to walk down to the kitchen. Bay cried and listened to her best friend eat in silence and then leave flat. She was going on a date with Mathius. She was glad her friend was happy, she really was- Bay just missed her own happiness. She wasn't sure what time it was when Bay finally used the little bit of strength she had to crawl out of bed. Walking over to the dresser, she pulled out the first things her eyes landed on. A white top and long flowy white skirt, he always liked her in long skirts. Her tears flowed freely as she moved into the bathroom. Her makeup from the day before was smeared terrible and she still wore her earrings from the night before. Bay sighed and headed to the lower half of the flat. She walked over to a curio cabinet that held picture frames of her wedding and honeymoon. She felt something press against she back of her legs and she looked back to see her baby, Belle. She gave a weak smile and sunk to the ground, where her dog all but curled up into her lap. Bay squeezed the dog tight, nuzzling her face into Belle's fur. "Why?" She sobbed into the dog as Belle whimpered sadly in response to her master's voice. "Why did he leave me? I thought he loved me, but he left. Left me all alone." She cried into her dog's fur, letting the pain roll through her body. With shaky legs she went to stand, but stumbled, knocking the glass casing over. Belle bolted from the area and Bay froze as the cabinet fell to the ground beside her and shattered. She felt little stings on her ankles, but mostly nothing because of her fluffy white socks. Watching her cabinet filled with memories shattered reminded her of her won shattered her heart. With shaky fingers she bent down and picked up her wedding picture. It was a larger frame and the outside of the main picture had random funny moving pictures from the wedding. Including a few where Harrison, Preston's best friend, going around and picking random guests up, including herself and her husband. She watched the main picture, the one where Preston swept her close and kissed passionately, and she sobbed again. She held the photo close to her heart and swept back up to the upper level of the flat where she crawled back under the sheets. She held the picture frame to her chest like a lifeline and sobbed loudly. She hated him for leaving her.
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Post by itsmomoagain on Mar 20, 2012 20:24:59 GMT -5
"Thank you." Harrison gave a warm smile to the guy at the counter and took the bags of assorted berries under his arm, slipping the change into his wallet. He knew Bay loved her berries. Harrison made his way down Diagon Alley to their flat when he passed a flower shop, and his heart swelled.
He knew deep down that she would be heartbroken today, and so he pulled himself on a side mission, buying up a dozen roses in different colors, paying, then leaving. Harrison's eyes lowered to the ground and he avoided eye contact with a few familiar faces, avoiding pointless conversation- he wanted to be with Bay. It was Harrison's friends' birthday today- three years after his passing. Preston and Harrison were the perfect friends, and they were partners in crime throughout his childhood and their adult life. Harrison and Preston were partners in the Muggle Royal Navy, but after Preston died, he retired and joined the Order... Yes, Harrison did miss Preston very much, but he loved Bay too.
Finally arriving, Harrison made his way to their door and pulled his spare key out, letting himself in quietly as to not wake Bay if she was asleep. Upstairs from Bay's room, he could hear her soft sobs under the covers. His heart broke at the sound of it, and he walked over to the counter, arranging the flowers in a vase he found under the sink. His eyes shifted to the mess of a broken dresser, and he sighed. Had she gotten that mad? With a quick mutter, he flicked his wand out. "Reparo." Grabbing a bowl from the shelves, he poured his three bags of assorted, fresh berries into it. Around that time, Belle came clicking back into the kitchen and brushed against Harrison's legs. He looked down to see the dog, apparently in the same mood as her master, and he sighed. Leaning down, he rubbed his palms across Belle's head and kissed her wet nose softly, nodding to her. Picking the puppy up, he grabbed the vase and berries in his hands, Belle sprawled across his forearms. Harrison took the three of them (the flowers and berries AND Belle) with him upstairs. He quietly set the puppy down first, watching her crawl over to Bay and lick her face, and he sat the flowers and fruit down on the dresser to the side, and his eyes ran over the lump in the blankets.
He didn't say anything just yet. He slipped over to her and crawled down next to her on the bed, his arms wrapping around her comfortingly. His deep breath caught in his throat and he began to hum a soft tune that used to put Preston to sleep every night. Harrison always was Preston's big brother, and now he was watching over Bay the same way. Gently, Harrison moved his hand from her side up to her hair, smoothing it away from her face. His lips pressed to the back of her head and he let out a gentle sigh. "Bay." He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on her head, "You handling things okay?" His deep voice seemed to be too loud for the room, so he resorted to whispering.
Harrison's eyes opened and he tightened his grip around her, stroking her hair away from her face. "You need to eat. Darcy and I talked earlier and she said you refused," he paused, "but I brought you something you might like." He hoped she'd at least let him gift her the things he brought. With a small smile, he pulled her cheek over so he could kiss it, and pulled back, sitting up beside her. "Please, do it for your Harry?" She used to call him that all the time.
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Post by tog on Mar 20, 2012 22:42:18 GMT -5
Bay was remembering the night of her wedding when her sobs grew louder. She missed Preston, missed his soft lips, she missed their white sheets, she missed the scratch of his unshaved face on her cheek. She pulled back to look at her picture, and she cried out. "Why me?" Her body racked with sobs, and she calmed down enough to say, "Happy Birthday, Preston, My love." The tear's stopped and her eyes grew still as she entered her ritual comatose state at this point. She could cry no longer, she could feel no more pain or sadness. The world was dead, and so was she. She was nothing without him, and on days like these- his birthday, her birthday, their anniversary, the anniversary of his death- they all had her end the day with a sense of empty death. Her heart gave an empty ache and her breathing slowed to near nothing. A calmness washed over her and her eyes unfocused as she lay still, not a nerve in her body receiving anything. She was a numb, empty shell. And right now, that was how she wanted it. Bay only vaguely registered a dip in the bed, but it didn't make it to her brain to process.
She closed her eyes when she felt the sheets lift, strong arms wrapped around her and she gasped lightly, "Preston!" She said in shock, and then shook her head, more tears falling. It was impossible. It had to be Harrison. Those certainly were not Darcy's arms, and she knew no other male who would do that other then Harrison. Bay had actually met Harrison through Preston, and he had always been there for her. Well, except for times like this- when she became comatose from heartache. Harrison had never been there for her on Preston's birthday's in the past years- he was always on a mission of some sort. She couldn't blame him. He was needed elsewhere, and she couldn't claim him. Bay did crave Harrison's company, though she wasn't sure rather or not it was because he was her final link to Preston, or because- or because maybe, just maybe, she loved him like she once had loved Preston- how she still did love Preston. She told herself it was because he was her final link, but that was only because the other option would mean betrayal. A betrayal to Preston's memory. She closed her eyes as tears escaped, not for Preston, but for herself and her lost happiness. For her confusion- and that twinkle of hope that she could be happy again.
Harrison began to hum a song she recognized from her marriage. Preston had sung it to her on nights where she was sad or hormonal. She never knew where he got it from. "Preston used to hum that to me at nights when I was sad or couldn't sleep." She said in a hollow voice, "Thank you." She felt his hand move the hair from her face and she squeezed her eyes shut as her heart broke again. It was all too much for her. She felt like an awful person for accepting his comfort, like she should suffer. "I don't deserve it." She muttered so softly she wasn't sure if he had heard. Bay was a terrible person for finding comfort in Harrison's arms. Terrible. But she missed the comfort so much. Preston could no longer provide what she needed. She felt Harrison's lips comfortingly kiss her head and she slowly turned and curled into him. Giving into her need for comfort, no matter the source (or so she told herself), just for today. Harrison sighed.
"Bay." He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on her head, "You handling things okay?" His deep voice seemed to be too loud for the room, so he resorted to whispering. Bay furiously shook her head, her forehead against Harrison's chest as the tears came back in waves.
"No Harrison, I'm not. I try and I try, but I can't- I shouldn't. It's too soon for me to be okay with this. I feel like I will never be okay with this." She sobbed into his chest helplessly. Harrison's eyes opened and he tightened his grip around her, stroking her hair away from her face.
"You need to eat. Darcy and I talked earlier and she said you refused," he paused, "but I brought you something you might like." Bay laughed, but not a hint of humor was present.
"Darcy is too nosy for her own good." With a small smile, Harrison pulled her cheek over so he could kiss it, and pulled back, sitting up beside her.
"Please, do it for your Harry?" Bay remembered calling him that all the time, when she didn't jokingly call him son. Maybe- just maybe, Preston would want her to enjoy the day. She sighed lightly and gave him a sincere attempt at a smile. And she weakly, with shaky arms, moved to a sitting up position where she pulled her knee's up and wrapped her arms around them tightly. Yes, Harrison had never been there to comfort her like this before, but he was here today, and with his help, maybe she would be able to move on in time.
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Post by itsmomoagain on Mar 20, 2012 23:11:23 GMT -5
"Preston used to hum that to me at nights when I was sad or couldn't sleep." She said in a hollow voice, "Thank you."
Harrison welcomed her turning into his chest and he mumbled something into her hair that was inaudible. He cleared his throat. "I used to sing it to him while we were on board the ship," he said gently, "Preston got sea sick pretty easily- I always wondered why he was a Seamen." Harrison rubbed her cheek softly with his thumb and he nodded. "Please don't thank me. I am here for you, to help you. This is one time when I am home that I could be with you." His eyes became moist but he pushed the tears back. "I want to make up for two years, Bay."
"No Harrison, I'm not. I try and I try, but I can't- I shouldn't. It's too soon for me to be okay with this. I feel like I will never be okay with this." She sobbed into his chest helplessly. His heart broke but he couldn't help but hold her tighter against him. Gently now, he cradled her against him and nuzzled his cheek on her head.
"Preston would want you to be happy on a day like this," he cooed gently to her, stroking her back gently as her tears flowed down her cheeks. "He hated seeing you upset, much like I do." Once Harrison calmed her down and she sat up, he noted her weak attempt at a smile. Gently, he brushed her cheeks clean and pushed his fingers against the corners of her mouth, making her smile a bit wider. "Come on, you can do it." He encouraged her and winked, scooting over and wrapping his arms around her from the side, hugging her to his side tightly, huffing. "I see you're wearing a skirt," he paused, remembering Preston telling Harrison about how he loved long skirts, "he would be so excited to have you in his arms." Harrison looked down and scratched the back of his neck, pulling away from Bay carefully, and standing.
Harrison made his way over to her dresser and picked up the vase and berries, holding the flowers behind his back with one hand. He slipped back to her bed and sat on the front, a cheeky grin on his lips. "Take them, eat." He laid them at her feet and smiled. Once she picked up the bowl, he would bring the vase out, literally a rainbow of colors, and show them to her. His eyes lit up, waiting for her to notice them and reply. When she would, he'd lean over and set the vase on the end table, and scoot up next to her, a warm and comforting smile on his lips.
"You look beautiful." He reassured her with a hand on her back, rubbing up and down her shoulders so she would relax a little more. "I can honestly tell you that he would be so proud of you and how far you've come, my dear," Harrison patted her back and rested his other hand on her arm, squeezing her gently, "I am too."
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Post by tog on Mar 21, 2012 3:04:08 GMT -5
"I used to sing it to him while we were on board the ship," Harrison said gently and Bay inwardly smiled, not letting it reach her outsides just yet. Harrison had been Preston's friend since childhood, and she knew that Harrison had a whole arsenal of stories, and she wanted to know them all. This seemed like it would be a nice one.
"You sang to him?" The slightest of smiles touched her lips as she pictured the manly and husky Harrison singing to the equally manly and husky Preston. "Why?"
"Preston got sea sick pretty easily- I always wondered why he was a Seamen."
Bay had been smiling up to the point where he questioned why Preston had become a Seamen and she sighed. "His father was before him, and his father before that. Preston was the only child, and felt he had to carry on the tradition. I told him to let it skip him and carry on to our son, but he wouldn't." She wrinkled her nose up, stemming any future tears, though one or two escaped.
Harrison rubbed her cheek softly with his thumb and Bay suddenly felt a little better. It was amazing what a little bit of comfort could do for a person. "Please don't thank me. I am here for you, to help you. This is one time when I am home that I could be with you."
She nodded. "Two years." Bay whispered, looking at Harrison. "I know it wasn't your fault, but two years on days like these I felt so alone. Darcy- she is amazing, but I think because of her light and happy personality, she seems awkward in situations like these. She tries to distract me." She smiled blankly, her eyes unfocused again.
His eyes became moist but he pushed the tears back. "I want to make up for two years, Bay." The girl looked up at Harrison and she wasn't Blind to him having to fight to be strong.
"Don't fight it." She whispered. "I've tried that, and it nearly threw me into a suicidal depression." Her arms wound around his neck in a friendly manner and she squeezed. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too." She whispered.
"Preston would want you to be happy on a day like this," he cooed gently to her, stroking her back gently as her tears flowed down her cheeks. Here she shook her head again.
"I can't. I can't do it. I feel too alone. Like he left me behind with nothing. The only thing I have that links me to him is you." She blushed thinking herself rude. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean..." Her hand absentmindedly went to her abdomen. She sighed heavily. "The morning we found out he was to be deployed was the morning we were discussing starting a family. It wasn't to be a long deployment, she we tried every night to start our family." She looked out the window blankly, recalling the nights she had shared with her husband, she shook her head, finding the memories useless and full of sadness. "I failed him. What we planned- it didn't work and failed him." Her hand moved up to her mouth as she stifled a sob. "The Forrest line ends because of me." She lowered her head to her knees as her body was racked with sobs again.
"He hated seeing you upset, much like I do."
"Then why the Hell did he leave me for that damned war?" She lifted her head and asked bitterly.
Bay closed her eyes as Harrison gently brushed her cheeks clean and pushed his fingers against the corners of her mouth, making her smile a bit wider. "Come on, you can do it."
Trying to resist, Bay tried to morph her features into a frown but she failed miserably and ended up bending forward with a laugh. Her eyes lighting up with a true sincere smiled for the first time that morning. Harrison winked and scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her.
"I see you're wearing a skirt. He would be so excited to have you in his arms." Harrison looked down and scratched the back of his neck, pulling away from Bay carefully, and standing.
"I wish he were here." She muttered as Harrison made his way to the dresser. She was staring at the end of the bed and didn't notice his actions. Belle crawled up to her side and Bay sighed, running her hand through the dogs thick fur coat. She registered a dip in the bed and she looked up to Harrison's cheeky grin. He extended a bowl of fruit out to her and Bay noted the odd assortment of colors present. Her eyes widened at her selection of wild berries and she looked up at the man in disbelief.
"Take them, eat." He laid them at her feet and smiled. Bay gave them a hard look. She had never eaten on any anniversary she had with Preston. It was just her ritual. Why should she stop now? She looked up into Harrison's warm eyes, and she saw a little bit of Preston. They were, after all, best friends, like brothers. Preston would be angry if Harrison didn't look after Bay...wouldn't he? Maybe he would even want Harrison to protect Bay from the approaches of other men, maybe...she shook her head to stop her thinking process. She let a hesitant hand take the bowl and she was surprised when Harrison then held out a base of roses. They too were in all different colors, and Bay's eyes widened.
"Harrison," She breathed out in surprise, looking up into his eyes, "why?" Bay asked innocently. She didn't understand the man's reasoning behind the purchase of the flowers. Certainly the berries had been enough.
"They are wonderful." A small smile appeared and Harrison leaned over to set the vase on the end table. She ate a handful of berries, closing her eyes with a groan at the explosion of taste. "It's been so long." She confessed, finally beginning to feel back to normal. She opened her eyes and caught her reflection in the mirror by her dresser. She blushed. "I look like a mess."
"You look beautiful." He reassured her with a hand on her back, rubbing up and down her shoulders. Bay felt her muscles relax as she leaned against him.
"I wouldn't say that. I know I'm a mess. I'm always a mess in days like these. I just shouldn't care." She rested her head against his shoulder.
"I can honestly tell you that he would be so proud of you and how far you've come, my dear," Harrison patted her back and rested his other hand on her arm, squeezing her gently, "I am too."
A few innocent tears fell. "But how can you know? How can you be so sure?" Bay looked up at him with eyes full of pain and sorrow.
Bay realized how selfish she was being. Here she was, crying like a baby, while Harrison, who had been Preston's best friend since toddlerhood stayed strong. She set the bowl down near her but out of Belle's reach, as she was taking a keen interest, and took Harrison's hands in hers. "How are you, Harrison? You must be worse off out of the two. You knew him longer and were closer." Bay looked up into Harrison's wide eyes, honestly curious as to how he was holding up.
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Post by itsmomoagain on Mar 21, 2012 13:38:06 GMT -5
"His father was before him, and his father before that. Preston was the only child, and felt he had to carry on the tradition. I told him to let it skip him and carry on to our son, but he wouldn't."
Harrison nodded, his frown evident. "Yeah, he was a proud man who wanted to be just like his father." His eyes grew wider as he thought back to nights on board the ship and how Preston would tell Harrison stories about his Dad and his trips as he was in the force. None of those stories beat Preston's ones about Bay, though, and how much fun they had on dates and how they met. "He told me over and over how you guys met. I was always jealous and turned my back on him- he rambled on and on about you. That man sure did love you."
"I know it wasn't your fault, but two years on days like these I felt so alone. Darcy- she is amazing, but I think because of her light and happy personality, she seems awkward in situations like these. She tries to distract me."
His hands wrapped further around her and he sighed. "Darcy loves you and she wants you to get your mind of things. Remember when she lost her mom?" Harrison looked down at her and shook his head. "She wouldn't eat or drink either, maybe she wants you not to end up like she did." He shrugged. "Its just her way of thinking."
"Don't fight it." She whispered. "I've tried that, and it nearly threw me into a suicidal depression." Her arms wound around his neck in a friendly manner and she squeezed. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too."
Harrison wrapped his arms around her and brought her into his lap briefly. Pulling his hands up, he moved her hair away from her face and smiled warmly, his eyes wet but not teary yet. "You'll never lose me, even if you tried."
"I can't. I can't do it. I feel too alone. Like he left me behind with nothing. The only thing I have that links me to him is you." She blushed thinking herself rude. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean..." Her hand absentmindedly went to her abdomen. She sighed heavily. "The morning we found out he was to be deployed was the morning we were discussing starting a family. It wasn't to be a long deployment, she we tried every night to start our family." She shook her head. "I failed him. What we planned- it didn't work and failed him." Her hand moved up to her mouth as she stifled a sob. "The Forrest line ends because of me." She lowered her head to her knees.
His tears came out now strongly. "Bay, don't you say that." His voice was louder and he was stern. "Don't you ever say that." He took her closer in his arms and squeezed her, his tears falling onto her shirt now. "You didn't fail him. You loved him with all you had and it was all you could do. His passing or your trying to start a family doesn't mean you've failed." He brushed his lips against her head softly, wanting so bad to comfort her. "The universe just didn't see to it that it should be." He closed his eyes. "Now I know you don't want to hear it, but fate is a strange thing. It takes lives and awards you with new people, people who are there to help you." He didn't want her to think he was suggesting anything about her needing to find someone new, he wasn't, he just wanted her to see that things happened for a reason.
"Then why the Hell did he leave me for that damned war?" She lifted her head and asked bitterly. Harrison released his hold on her and shook his head, a bit of anger welling up in him.
"He did it so you could be safe." He said lowly, his heart aching. "He did it so if you happened to have his child, that you guys could live in a world free from danger." His hands ran through his own hair and he clenched his jaw. "He did it for his Dad, for you, for his country. He never did it for himself." Harrison met his eyes with Bay's, "He would have stayed with you if it was his choosing, but he had more to concern himself with than he could take. He was thinking of the future, not himself. He didn't leave you. The war took him."
When she took the berries, Harrison's whole mood shifted and he was grinning. "I knew you'd like them. I just got them fresh from a shipment today- they're at the perfect eating time." Then he showed her the flowers.
"Harrison," She breathed out in surprise, looking up into his eyes, "why?" His shoulders shrugged somewhat, but he knew why. Deep down inside, he was in love with this girl. Every time he came with Preston to see her after being on leave, he would fall a little bit more for her with her big eyes and her bright smile. She was always so perfect, and Harrison never had a stable woman in his life. He sighed gently and shook his head.
"Because I've never had someone in my life like you." He said in a whisper, his eyes lowering to the bed as he picked at the sheets nervously. "I've never been able to spoil anyone, to buy anyone gifts. I'm never in a steady relationship- especially now since I am working for the Order as a spy. I am too dangerous and nobody wants..." he trailed off, "I don't want anyone hurt."
"But how can you know? How can you be so sure?"
He raised his eyebrows for a moment and he smiled. "Because Preston was like my brother- we were partners since childhood. We have the same minds, hell, people even said we'd look the same sometimes." His hands held hers together for a moment, and he let a tear fall, not bothering to hide it. "What hopes and dreams he had in him, I shared them with him. He's alive in me, much like he is in you." Harrison nodded and let her resume her meal, a smile on his face.
She set the bowl down near her but out of Belle's reach, as she was taking a keen interest, and took Harrison's hands in hers. "How are you, Harrison? You must be worse off out of the two. You knew him longer and were closer."
His smile dropped a bit, and he rested his head back on air, a lump forming in his throat. Slowly, though, he swallowed it away and looked back to Bay. "I'm fine," he breathed out slowly, "just a little shaken. I can't believe its been three years." His eyes were surprisingly dry, and Harrison scooted closer to Bay. "It helps when you're around someone you love," he paused, scared at the words that just came from his mouth, "I mean, someone you care about who shares the same feelings you do." He blushed gently and turned his head to look at Belle. "At least you have someone like her to keep you company, at my place, its the empty apartment and silence." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm literally alone most nights."
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Post by tog on Mar 21, 2012 21:07:01 GMT -5
"He told me over and over how you guys met. I was always jealous and turned my back on him- he rambled on and on about you. That man sure did love you."
Bay sucked in a breath, not wanting to cry more. "He meant- means- so much to me." She whispered, burying her head into her knees more as a wave of pain rocked her heart. Harrison's comment about being jealous dug into her mind, and she wondered what he was jealous of. Preston having a family? Or Preston having Bay? She turned her head to look up sideways at the man. "You shouldn't have been jealous. You'll find the one. She'll be the last person you expected, and probably the hardest one to catch." She laughed softly. Harrison was a flirt, and easily snatched women up. He was a charming ladies man, and Bay had, despite all attempts, caught herself blushing when he would flirt with her. Preston had always found that humorous, and often times encouraged Harrison. With Harrison's luck, his soul mate would be the one girl he couldn't win over easily.
Bay's head relaxed on Harrison's chest when he pulled her tighter. Bay closed her eyes tight. 'Really could have used this during that first miserable year.'
"Darcy loves you and she wants you to get your mind off things. Remember when she lost her mom?" Bay let out a sigh. She hadn't even thought of that.
"I'm a terrible person." She muttered into his chest miserably. "That hadn't even crossed my mind. It's like I get so caught up in myself on these days that nothing else seems important enough to think about. It never occurred to me why she always seemed to shy away from my breakdowns. I must not have been any help to her during first year." She rubbed her nose in frustration. "I'll have to apologize to her for that."
"She wouldn't eat or drink either, maybe she wants you not to end up like she did." He shrugged. "Its just her way of thinking."
"I didn't know you knew Darcy during school." She looked up at him. "But I do remember that. I remember getting so mad one night that I literally held her down and tried to force fead her. It resulted in us rolling around on the floor laughing." She smiled at the memory. Bay hated remembering the past, as hers was filled with sadness. With her parents death, foster homes, and now her husband's death, she felt it best to leave the past behind.
Bay felt herself being pulled into Harrison's lap and she blushed, feeling that maybe they were being to intimate. She tried to push that thought away, reminding herself that they were just friends, and he wanted to comfort her. Her hair was pushed from her face, her white crochet beanie shifted on her head, and Bay found an unknown to her before comfort in Harrison's glistening eyes and warm smile. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to stay there and comfort her for as long as she needed.
"You'll never lose me, even if you tried." Bay smiled sadly.
"That's what I thought about Preston." She whispered. "I pray every night that it never happens to you or Darcy. But you- you have such a dangerous. I constantly worry. It's like Preston's deployment all over again. Every time I get an owl, or a knock at the door, or an unexpected floo call, my heart races and I fear that something has happened to you." She confessed one of her deepest pains in a flurry of words and looked away. Too embarrassed to make eye contact.
"Bay, don't you say that." The girl flinched at his stern voice and she looked up to see his tears falling hard. She wiped the away with a shaky hand, glad that they had each other to find comfort in.
"Don't you ever say that." Harrison took her closer in his arms and squeezed her. Bay relaxed in the embrace and felt her shirt become wet. She wrapped herself around one of Harrison's arms that ran across her chest holding her tight, and she cried heavily with him.
"That's my deepest regret. I couldn't have his child." She choked on her words. Having never actually saying the words and admitting that to anyone before. "It eats away at my dreams. I wake up at night, and it's like I've been crying for hours." She said so lowly. Not sure rather or not she wanted him to hear.
"You didn't fail him. You loved him with all you had and it was all you could do. His passing or your trying to start a family doesn't mean you've failed."
Bay sighed when his lips brushed across her forehead, and an image of him brushing his lips across hers flashed through her minds eye. She was horrified, and felt disgusted with herself for the thought. 'Preston would be so ashamed.' She sobbed at her thoughts not even thinking about how random they must sound.
"My love wasn't enough to save him. The Universe ripped him from me like it did my parents. Maybe- maybe in a passed life I was a terrible murderer. I must have done something wrong to deserve this. The Universe is punishing me." She laughed without a hint of humor. "Maybe I was Voldemort's mother." Her mind turned with all the things she must have done to deserve this.
"The universe just didn't see to it that it should be." Bay looked up at him in confusion and Harrison closed his eyes.
"Now I know you don't want to hear it, but fate is a strange thing. It takes lives and awards you with new people, people who are there to help you."
"I hope you are right." She said honestly- openly. Of anything could help her move on, she would take it. And she felt awful for that feeling too. But Preston wouldn't want her to suffer- would he?
Harrison released his hold on Bay and she watched him shake his head. She slid off of his lap and closer to Belle.
"He did it so you could be safe. He did it so if you happened to have his child, that you guys could live in a world free from danger."
"But war isn't that simple. Problems aren't solved that easily." She muttered, her own tears building up. You could almost see her inner battle. She knew he was right, she really did. Bay was so proud of Preston for his service- but sometimes, being bitter was easier.
Harrison's hands ran through his own hair and he clenched his jaw. "He did it for his Dad, for you, for his country. He never did it for himself." Harrison met his eyes with Bay's.
Bay wiped at her eyes with force, almost painfully. "I know." She said, her voice flooded with pain. "I just...I don't even bloody know what I wish anymore." She held a hand over her mouth in attempts to calm herself.
"He would have stayed with you if it was his choosing, but he had more to concern himself with than he could take. He was thinking of the future, not himself. He didn't leave you. The war took him." His last words killed her and she bent over herself, tears falling quickly and her cries becoming louder. Her arms held her stomach, held her while body together.
"Why?" She cried out louder again as she ha before Harrison had arrived. She felt like throwing up. "I'm not string enough for this." She sobbed into her sheets. Bay allowed Harrison to calm her down.
"I knew you'd like them. I just got them fresh from a shipment today- they're at the perfect eating time." Then he showed her the flowers.
"Thank you." She said with a soft smile, wiping at her eyes more gently now. "I really appreciate this- everything- you. It means a lot to me- to have someone there for me. And I'm glad it's you."
"Because I've never had someone in my life like you." Bay blushed, not quite sure how to interpret his words.
"I've never been able to spoil anyone, to buy anyone gifts. I'm never in a steady relationship- especially now since I am working for the Order as a spy. I am too dangerous and nobody wants..." Bay's eyes snapped up to his face.
'Don't you dare say it.'
"I don't want anyone hurt." Bay's eyes softened and she slowly moved closer to him.
"You're the most stable figure in my life right now." She said softly. "I want you around." She rubbed a soothing hand on his arm. "Spoil to your hearts content." Bay whispered, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She looked up at him and a small grin escape her lips. "Just expect me to spoil you back." Something had occurred to Bay. Yes, Preston would want Harrison to keep an eye on Bay, and make sure she was okay. He would also want her to do the same for him. And so she would.
Bay grinned slowly ad Harrison smiled while raising an eyebrow. "Because Preston was like my brother- we were partners since childhood. We have the same minds, hell, people even said we'd look the same sometimes." Bay's eyes widened. She hadn't realized how alike they looked, not until now at least. She could see Preston in Harrison, and she found a little more comfort in his company. Maybe she hadn't completely lost Preston after all.
Harrison's hands held hers together for a moment, and he let a tear fall, not bothering to hide it. "What hopes and dreams he had in him, I shared them with him. He's alive in me, much like he is in you." Bay wrapped her arms around his neck again.
"You're right. I needed this so much. A new- a correct perspective on things. Thank you." She said again.
Harrison's smile dropped a bit, and Bay's heart split as se watched his inner turmoil. Slowly, though, he swallowed it away and looked back to Bay. "I'm fine," he breathed out slowly, "just a little shaken. I can't believe its been three years."
"You and me both." Bay said softly, rubbing smooth circles into the back of Harrison's rough hands. His eyes were surprisingly dry, and Harrison scooted closer to Bay.
"It helps when you're around someone you love," Bay's breath hitched in her thought and her heart sped up, though she kept telling herself it was because of the topic of the conversation. She opened her mouth to say that the feeling was mutual, but he cut her off with his words, and she didn't push to say her thoughts.
"I mean, someone you care about who shares the same feelings you do."
"I know exactly what you mean." She gave his hands a squeeze. Harrison blushed gently and turned his head to look at Belle.
"At least you have someone like her to keep you company, at my place, its the empty apartment and silence." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm literally alone most nights." Bay's eyes went soft and warm and in characteristically, she picked up her hand and rubbed the back of Harrison's hand to her cheek.
"I still feel lonely sometimes. Alone- like no one understands." bay hesitated. "You should move in here for awhile. That solves both of our problems." She whispered, thinking she sounded like an idiot. "I mean, sleeping arrangements aren't really a problem." Bay's eyes took in the size of her bed, and she thought about how much better she would sleep just by not sleeping alone. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "You are my best friend. I don't want you staying alone over there. And- and I could use you here. I mean, I understand if you don't want to, but the offer is always open. Besides, now that Darcy is almost always with Mathius," she smiled at her friends fortune, "I practically live alone anyways."
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Post by itsmomoagain on Mar 21, 2012 22:05:40 GMT -5
"That's my deepest regret. I couldn't have his child. It eats away at my dreams. I wake up at night, and it's like I've been crying for hours." She choked on her words and spoke lowly. Harrison barely heard the last part.
Harrison's eyes fluttered closed and he sighed audibly. He felt terrible for the things that popped into his head, having a family with Bay, having a house together and living happy. Bay belonged to Preston. Not Harrison. Bay obviously only needed comfort, nothing more. Harrison cleared his throat and nodded. "I understand how it makes you feel." His voice was hoarse.
Harrison's mind darted back to his first leave where he met his first and only serious girlfriend in a bookstore, there to get a book on sea sickness for Preston. They had bumped into each other in the check-out line as he was coming in, and she had spilled her books all over the place. She worked there, and she escorted him to where he needed to find the supplies- and Harrison being the flirt he was- he asked her on a date. The two dated for almost two years and she was pregnant with his child by then, about three months along. But when Harrison woke up one morning, all her stuff was gone, all the pictures of them gone, no more clothes in his closet- nothing. There wasn't a trace of her to be found. Harrison was heartbroken- his kid, he'd never see his baby. Maybe Harrison and Bay were too much alike for their own good.
"But you can't blame yourself for that." He choked back tears, strong-willed tears. Bay didn't know about how he had been expecting a kid, all she knew was he had a girlfriend of two years and things never really worked out in the end. "You just can't. No matter how easy it seems." His voice was quiet, strangely quiet, and his heart was breaking slowly.
"My love wasn't enough to save him. The Universe ripped him from me like it did my parents. Maybe- maybe in a passed life I was a terrible murderer. I must have done something wrong to deserve this. The Universe is punishing me." She laughed without a hint of humor. "Maybe I was Voldemort's mother."
Harrison's eyes closed. Maybe Harrison had done something terrible to deserve the loss of his only un-born child. His own advice never settled with him. Harrison was overall a good guy- the fact that he settled down and was expecting a kid, but then it was all taken away from him- what justification did that have? His heart thumped. Maybe he was being pushed this way, into Bay's home, comforting her, for a reason. Maybe this little scene meant lots more than he was giving the Universe credit for. And he brushed the tears from his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, bracing himself. "You are the best, sweetest, most beautiful girl I know." He eyed her and pulled her head against his chest, his heart beating ninety to nothing. "You didn't do anything to deserve that- the Universe obviously just didn't feel balanced, and now it's readjusting its views. And Voldemort's mom wouldn't want to be Voldemort's mom, that's too terrible for her even." He laughed lightly at his last words.
"Why?" She cried out louder. "I'm not string enough for this." She sobbed into her sheets. At least she allowed Harrison to comfort her.
Harrison rocked her gently in his arms, tears rolling down his cheeks too. 'I ask myself the same question? God forbid I ever get an answer. Why can't the Universe work in good ways, not negative ones? Why couldn't it have been me that you fell in love with and not Preston? I could have given you a family, and I could have protected you. But instead, Preston won your heart, I lost my baby, and you were unable to produce one with Preston.' He felt sick for thinking the thoughts, but they poured out of his head like thought vomit and he couldn't help it.
"You're the most stable figure in my life right now." She said softly. "I want you around."
Harrison's lump came back and he found his breaths growing longer and more intense.
She rubbed a soothing hand on his arm. "Spoil to your hearts content." Bay whispered, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She looked up at him and a small grin escape her lips. "Just expect me to spoil you back."
He grinned softly, and through his newly wet eyes he took her features in and shook his head. "I don't need spoiling- I'm a mean spirit already." He chuckled and hugged Bay close to him, nuzzling his cheek into her head.
Bay looked at Harrison like he had seen her look at Preston, and inside, he died. Harrison was not Preston, nor would he ever be Preston. His hands slipped onto his own lap and he sighed, looking away from her. If she only wanted him around because he was like her late husband, maybe he was only hurting himself.
"You're right. I needed this so much. A new- a correct perspective on things. Thank you."
His chest heaved a bit and he nodded. "I'm here for you any time." He smiled warmly and scratched at his stubble slowly, feeling like somewhere, deep inside, this was so wrong. But he loved Bay- he was in love with her- and he couldn't hold himself accountable. Fate was shoving him into her life again, closer this time.
"I still feel lonely sometimes. Alone- like no one understands." bay hesitated. "You should move in here for awhile. That solves both of our problems."
Harrison shook himself internally. 'No, it only creates a bigger one for me. I can't be here with you and comfort you without falling hard for you, more than I already have.'
Bay continued in a whisper, "I mean, sleeping arrangements aren't really a problem." Bay's eyes took in the size of her bed. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "You are my best friend. I don't want you staying alone over there. And- and I could use you here. I mean, I understand if you don't want to, but the offer is always open. Besides, now that Darcy is almost always with Mathius," she smiled at her friends fortune, "I practically live alone anyways."
Harrison's eyes closed for a second. 'Harrison, you are going to kill yourself over this. Don't do it. You love her too much and you are going to get attached. She's going to leave you one day, just like the last girl. This is why you can't be with people so seriously. Not only that, but you are about to move in with you dead friend's wife. Do you not see what is happening? You are going to regret this in a few months.' He sighed and looked into her eyes. "If it is no problem..." he let a smile form, "I would be honored."
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